Posts tagged missing

My little one, my bear, my sweet, my pumpkin. My bundle. Monkey. Sweetpea. My little love. I have more names for you than I need, and they slip out of my mouth unbidden, like those funny candies I used to love that popped around my mouth. You cross borders more than most business people, and as soon as I drop you off at the airport, my heart becomes a rosary, ticking off the prayers, aiming them at every deity I can think of, like a prayer bomb. Yes me - the same woman who once yelled at a Catholic priest that he was the reincarnation of the head of the Inquisition (he wasn’t very nice).

Why aren’t you here yet?

I haven’t seen you in weeks and you’re coming home any minute. I am as excited as you must be when you go to sleep the night before Christmas. Yes child, right now, you’re my Santa, my presents, my turkey feast, all in one.

For 3 weeks I haven’t taken care of anybody but my self, and I needed it badly: three months ago we sold our home, we left our neighbourhood, I started a job that was so new in so many ways. New job, new neighborhood, new lots of things: it’s like a self-imposed witness protection program, minus the plastic surgery. I’ve enjoyed this time off without guilt, because I knew you were soaking up your daddy’s love like a  thirsty little sponge of a girl.

Enough of that, I want you back.

I want your voice to fill this house, I want your toys scattered all over the place, I want to trip over your stuffed animals having a tea party in the middle of the kitchen, I want to find your dirty clothes hidden in the corner of your room, I want you to sing Justin Bieber tunes til I roll my eyes, I want you to ask me to braid your hair just as we’re rushing out the door in the morning, and I want you to call from your room to tell me you love me 4 times after I’ve asked you to go to sleep.

Tick, tock, are you here yet?

Your room is ready, your bed is full of little presents - a skirt I bought you yesterday, a keychain I brought you back from Mexico, a letter you received. I need to hug you.

Any minute now…