Posts tagged learning

The difference between empathy and sympathy. Here’s a hint: empathy never starts with “At least…”. 

  1. 1. Concentrate on finding a big idea that will make an impact on the people you want to influence. If you want to be successful and live a long, stimulating life, keep yourself at risk intellectually all the time.
  2. 2. Network intensely.  Luck plays a big role in life, and there is no better way to increase your luck than by knowing as many people as possible.  Nurture your network by sending articles, books and emails to people to show you’re thinking about them.  Write op-eds and thought pieces for major publications.  Organize discussion groups to bring your thoughtful friends together.
  3. 3. When you meet someone new, treat that person as a friend.  Assume he or she is a winner and will become a positive force in your life.  Most people wait for others to prove their value.  Give them the benefit of the doubt from the start.  Occasionally you will be disappointed, but your network will broaden rapidly if you follow this path.
  4. 4. Read all the time.  Don’t just do it because you’re curious about something, read actively.  Have a point of view before you start a book or article and see if what you think is confirmed or refuted by the author.  If you do that, you will read faster and comprehend more.
  5. 5. Get enough sleep.  Seven hours will do until you’re sixty, eight from sixty to seventy, nine thereafter, which might include eight hours at night and a one-hour afternoon nap.
  6. Evolve.  Try to think of your life in phases so you can avoid a burn-out.  Do the numbers crunching in the early phase of your career.  Try developing concepts later on.  Stay at risk throughout the process.
  7. 6. Travel extensively.  Try to get everywhere before you wear out.  Attempt to meet local interesting people where you travel and keep in contact with them throughout your life.  See them when you return to a place.
  8. 7. When meeting someone new, try to find out what formative experience occurred in their lives before they were seventeen.  It is my belief that some important event in everyone’s youth has an influence on everything that occurs afterwards.
  9. 8. On philanthropy my approach is to try to relieve pain rather than spread joy.  Music, theatre and art museums have many affluent supporters, give the best parties and can add to your social luster in a community.  They don’t need you.  Social service, hospitals and educational institutions can make the world a better place and help the disadvantaged make their way toward the American dream.
  10. 9.Younger people are naturally insecure and tend to overplay their accomplishments.  Most people don’t become comfortable with who they are until they’re in their 40’s.  By that time they can underplay their achievements and become a nicer, more likeable person.  Try to get to that point as soon as you can.
  11. 10. Take the time to give those who work for you a pat on the back when they do good work.  Most people are so focused on the next challenge that they fail to thank the people who support them.  It is important to do this.  It motivates and inspires people and encourages them to perform at a higher level.
  12. 11. When someone extends a kindness to you write them a handwritten note, not    an e-mail.  Handwritten notes make an impact and are not quickly forgotten.
  13. 12. At the beginning of every year think of ways you can do your job better than you have ever done it before.  Write them down and look at what you have set out for yourself when the year is over.
  14. 13. The hard way is always the right way.  Never take shortcuts, except when driving home from the Hamptons.  Short-cuts can be construed as sloppiness, a career killer.
  15. 14. Don’t try to be better than your competitors, try to be different.  There is always going to be someone smarter than you, but there may not be someone who is more imaginative.
  16. 15. When seeking a career as you come out of school or making a job change, always take the job that looks like it will be the most enjoyable.  If it pays the most, you’re lucky.  If it doesn’t, take it anyway, I took a severe pay cut to take each of the two best jobs I’ve ever had, and they both turned out to be exceptionally rewarding financially.
  17. 16. There is a perfect job out there for everyone.  Most people never find it.  Keep looking.  The goal of life is to be a happy person and the right job is essential to that.
  18. 17. When your children are grown or if you have no children, always find someone younger to mentor.  It is very satisfying to help someone steer through life’s obstacles, and you’ll be surprised at how much you will learn in the process.
  19. 18. Every year try doing something you have never done before that is totally out of your comfort zone.  It could be running a marathon, attending a conference that interests you on an off-beat subject that will be populated by people very different from your usual circle of associates and friends or traveling to an obscure destination alone.  This will add to the essential process of self-discovery.
  20. 19. Never retire.  If you work forever, you can live forever.  I know there is an abundance of biological evidence against this theory, but I’m going with it anyway.

What not to do.

Here’s a thought - if you don’t know what to do to make things better, then at least figure out what not to do anymore:

"…the choice not to do something was in some ways more important and more interesting than the choice to do something. We may not know what we want to do, but we sure as hell know what we don’t want to do.

So you construct a series of self-imposed limitations that will guarantee that you cannot do what you no longer want to do, and then that kicks open a door; and if you’re willing to go through that door and follow wherever it leads, you will have programed change.

Now you are doing something else, you compare that to what you were doing, like it better…If you don’t like the direction it’s going you stop, aim in another direction and move on….through limitations you will push yourself somewhere you could never otherwise have imagined being.”

Chuck Close, from Wisdom, by Andrew Zuckerman

Photo copyright Conteska photography

Fantastic visual illustration of how we got to be #7 billion people on this earth. via@npr

My rinse cycle for the mind.

I recently started a new job as social media strategist for an ad agency in Montreal.  Going back to a “real” job after a year away from any form of boss was a big decision, even if it was partly dictated by my dying bank account.

The past 14 months of working as a freelance writer, photographer and translator were my gift to myself (and to my Visa card, apparently). I wanted to explore everything: the world, my love of photography, my need to write…my credit limit. And see where it took me.  And who I’d be at the end of it - a sort of rinse cycle for the mind.

I started in the summer of 2009 with an amazing photography workshop in Santa Fe, New Mexico, a place that reminded me that I don’t need to leave the continent to witness incredible beauty:

Then it was off to Goa, India with my sister Daisy. I can’t think of a better way to express what it meant to me, except to quote something I wrote while I was there: "I’ve needed this so badly for so long – to be under this sun, by this sea – to be this far away. It’s as though the further I get from what’s familiar to me, the more I recognize myself". And this image perfectly illustrates how I felt while I was there. 

Then it was off to Calcutta to work as a photographer for an NGO called Calcutta Rescue. Kolkata was chaos at it’s finest and most stimulating: 90% humidity, 37c heat, millions of bodies, layers of sound over layers of noise…I can’t wait to return. 

Then off to California to spend a week at a friend’s place, writing and exploring.

…with a brief stop in New York to see friends, and Connecticut to see my grandmother.

Then a family reunion to celebrate my father’s birthday in a big house in Croatia with my geographically scattered siblings:

And a side trip to the mysterious and unexpectedly beautiful Montenegro:

By now, Visa was upping my limit every 20 minutes, which might sound like a good thing, but is a sign that I was spending too much and repaying too little. So I stayed home for a few months and started mumbling about the need for a job to anyone who would listen…until my father called and invited me to spend Christmas in Beirut.

Somehow I managed to drag my sister Daisy to Damascus, Syria for 36 incredible hours. Given what’s going on there at the moment, I’ll be posting a lot more of what I saw there in the next couple of weeks…in the meantime, and if you want an insider’s view of what’s happening over there, read my Syrian-American friend’s blog “A Gay Girl in Damascus”. The Syrian secret police are now looking for her, so please “Like” her Facebook page under the same name too - the larger the community, the harder it is to “disappear” her.

So now it’s home sweet home for many months. I swear. It’s time to focus on what to do with what I’ve learned. Once I unpack from our trip to the Cayman Islands.

What else was I supposed to do with all the airmiles I’ve accumulated over the past 2 years?

A BRILLIANT summation of 200 years of development history in 4 minutes.

Hans Rosling’s 200 Countries, 200 Years, 4 Minutes - The Joy of Stats - BBC Four (via BBC)

Why are women so afraid to say they want power and so unwilling to plot a course to get it? The Scarlet A.

Fantastic article on the way women approach success/ambition - from Hillary Clinton showing “surprise” at being picked for secretary of state by Obama, to Oprah - the US’s 1st black billionaire - saying she “doesn’t think of herself as a businesswoman”. Great quote: “It seems that from their earliest days, boys know they’re supposed to have a specific interest; they can decide to be and do whatever they want. Girls are now told they can be and do anything, but they’re much less likely to be taught that they should have a life plan that’s intentional. Girls are socialized to be reactive; boys are socialized to be the askers, girls the askees.”

Girl, Interrupted.

I’ve had my fill of attending almost everything and anything just to feed my starving mind, to soak up sponge off breathe in the creativity of others, just so I can tap into my own. I’ve also had my fill of paying hundreds of dollars to my babysitters in order to do it.

Hello sleep, hello couch. Hello old episodes of Grey’s Anatomy. It looks as though I’m hibernating, but in my head there’s so much going on that I search for articles on “How to be Efficient” and “How to Get More Done in Less Time”, then can’t focus long enough to read them fully.

It’s like Iran is using my mind as a nuclear test centre. Boom.

My mind is as hyper as my body is exhausted. If I don’t get all these words, images and stories out of my head soon, I will become Girl, Interrupted, complete with Mackage straightjacket.

It’s time to stop pulling at my life, to make it give me what I want. Time to breathe. Time to talk less and do more, to play Snakes ‘n’ Ladders with my 6 yr old, to accompany her on her school trips, even if it means apple picking in the rain (and it did), to open up some of those cookbooks and actually cook something.

So I’m slowly but surely pouring the contents of my mind out - into working as Director of Communications for an amazing NGO called, into this blog, into writing for, for the Westmount Independent, for Vox (the 357c newsletter), about great minds such as James Carville (see video), into a new project called MentalMoxie with one of the wittiest women I know, into writing for a new publication (tbc), into building myself a photo website. Ah yes, and into starting to look for a (preferably part-time) job. Anyone? Anyone?

Along the way I’ve noticed that the more interesting the work, the less it pays. That said, my work is VERY interesting…

I used to run, box, do Pilates, and yoga on a regular basis, while working two full-time jobs (project manager + single mother, in case you wondered). Ironically, now that I work freelance, I can’t spare the time. Consequently, my shoulders are so high up around my neck, they think they’re earrings. So the money I’ve saved on sitters goes to a massage therapist, and osteopath and a therapist. 

My massage therapist digs into my shoulders while repeating “wow”, “WOW”, “wow”, like some kind of mantra. “You know, you’re supposed to release a muscle after you use it, right?”. Ha ha. Now get back to work.

My osteopath asks if I’ve had hot flashes recently, wiggles my head like Oui Oui, then puts me on a pork diet. My therapist? Well, let’s just say she earns her fee.

Balance. Seek and ye shall find. Right?